Kahwin

Convos with my grandma

K: Grandmaaaaaa~

G: Kau, kalau tak nak kahwin, jangan cakap dengan aku.. (Translation: If you don’t want to get married, don’t talk to me)

K: :/ Ok bye!

G: *Comes towards me* with “=/” expression.

Hahahah, this is both frustrating and amusing.

My love, my dear grandma, this is a clarification first and foremost to myself, and then once again to you – as I’ve explained umpteen times, marriage is not something that can be imposed or forced. One’s heart must first be open to it, and to that significant other one is introduced to, or match-made with. We should not rush for the sake of it. Sure, expectations are different for both of us, in your mind, marriage is a means to an end (fulfillment and kids) – as it is in mine (except I hope it’s a means to Jannah). We differ slightly here: yours is a closer ‘stop-over’, and mine’s the end hopefully. Yet, the expectations of this significant other that we both have, and how he should be like, differ so vastly.

So, she’s been nagging at me endlessly as to why I’ve been rejecting every other potential candidate.

First and foremost, I’m not looking for Shah Rukh Khan, Ryan Gosling or Brad Pitt. Or a Bill Gates, Richard Branson or Jack Mah for that matter. 😛

The guy I’m looking for, should be someone with whom I can at least have interesting conversations with, is sincere in getting to know me too, naturally curious, optimistic, religiously grounded and with whom I have a decent amount of ‘chemistry’ with. THAT, that last factor there – chemistry, is what I feel will allow for interesting conversations and companionship.

There’s no right and wrong here, Grandma. Your views are perfectly acceptable too. Except when imposed on another person.

For all those times, you’ve been pushing me towards taking that next big step forward with Candidate X, because you judged based on hear-say that he’s a nice guy, serious, and kind enough. You’re not wrong there. Just that, I can’t see it. :S

Maybe, just maybe it could be something inherent. Maybe I am not ready for marriage yet. Or maybe he’s not the right one, (which could also be why I’m not ready for marriage yet). Either way, please understand, trust me when I say I’m trying and do continue to make Du’a for me. I’m sure with your continued prayers, someday my heart will be open to someone, and that will Insha Allah, pave the way for marriage. 🙂

PS: Fine, I won’t talk to you for now, except you know this won’t last for long. 😛

All my love,

Your favourite Grand-daughter. (Self-assumed position)